I went on my usual walk today and passed a familiar mound for the umpteenth time. For some reason I stopped and took a photo of it because it seems to capture how I’ve felt at times in this COVID-19 season. Not only does it look like I can’t move forward but I’m frustrated that I feel blocked from being able to see what the future holds (classic control freak over here 🙋🏼).
Even before this global pandemic hit, I always seem to need a yearly—and probably more frequently really—reminder that my certainty is not found in my circumstances. Nor is my assurance, my peace, or even my hope.
Oswald Chambers really nails this thought (and maybe I need to write it out on the wall…):
“Naturally, we are inclined to be so mathematical and calculating that we look upon uncertainty as a bad thing. We imagine that we have to reach some end, but that is not the nature of spiritual life. The nature of spirituality is that we are certain in our uncertainty…. Certainty is the mark of the commonsense life: gracious uncertainty is the mark of the spiritual life. To be certain of God means that we are uncertain in all our ways, we do not know what a day may bring forth. This is generally said with a sigh of sadness; it should be rather an expression of breathless expectation…”
In response, instead of clamouring to trust God more, or striving to surrender “better” to Him, I’m just going to keep actively asking as His daughter to help me find my certainty/assurance/peace/hope in Him. I’m entitled to communion with Him and ask His Spirit to continue working the transformation out in my heart, my mind and even my body.
He’s not far. Just because I can’t see how He’s working doesn’t mean He’s not. Who knows but that a beautiful, fortifying refinement is being secretly gifted to me, and to us, in this exact season.
“So we do not lost heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.” -2 Corinthians 4:16-18